She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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