no. you can't hotbox the world.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
