Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
