Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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