I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
