everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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