I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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