people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
