Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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