HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
