hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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