i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
