I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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