i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
