Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
