We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
