I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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