i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
