omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
