She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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