Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
