I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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