My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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