I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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