So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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