Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
