Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
