thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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