Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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