I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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