Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize