i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
