You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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