i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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