He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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