Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
