With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
