oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
