we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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