there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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