last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
