We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i love accidental penises.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
