Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
