The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a hot homeless man
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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