I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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