the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
