omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
