so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
