pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
