Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
