everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
